Incompetence used as a weapon is a serious problem with far-reaching consequences for interpersonal interactions. Sometimes, it happens without anybody noticing.
It is possible to employ weaponized incompetence when it comes to simple duties, the care of children, and even the preparation of meals.
In this article, we are going to take a more in-depth look at the concept of weaponized incompetence.
In addition to this, it will assist you in recognizing the unmistakable indications that signal you may be a prey of weaponized incompetence or perhaps guilty of employing it yourself.
Continue reading for a comprehensive summary of everything necessary you need to know about weaponized incompetence.
What Is Weaponized Incompetent?
The term “weaponized incompetence” refers to a circumstance in which one partner is feigning incompetence to make the other partner complete a particular task.
This kind of incompetence is also often referred to as strategic incompetence.
It can refer to any activity at all, but it typically presents itself in household chores, such as child care responsibilities and basic tasks, which can result in inequality within the house.
In short, all the responsibility of a couple is stacked on one as the other person pretends to not know anything.
The use of skilled incompetence is a sign of manipulation, and our partners processing the weight of responsibility alone can get tired of the relationship. Weaponized incompetence typically happens in heterosexual relationships where a man takes advantage of their female partners.
Who Coined The Term Weaponized Incompetence?
Eve Rodsky is credited with coining the term “weaponized incompetence,” which is a concept that has recently come to the forefront as a result of a recent trend of viral videos on TikTok.
Here, the creators—mostly women—share their accounts of how being a victim of faking incompetence has manifested itself in their previous romantic partnerships.
The audience insights of these videos have evolved into a form of online opinion disposal for the people venting frustrations about the persistent problem of household labor.
How Can You Address Weaponized Incompetence In Your Romantic Relationship?
The use of weaponized incompetence is analogous to the psychological technique known as gaslighting.
When someone makes another believe that their thoughts and feelings regarding a certain scenario are unfounded or exaggerated, this is an example of cognitive dissonance.
It can be challenging for a person who is the target of weaponized incompetence to understand what’s being done to them.
It is a kind of communication and engagement that is considered to be silent and hostile, yet it can be difficult to point out.
If you have any reason to believe that the person with whom you are involved in a romantic, platonic, or professional connection is deploying weaponized incompetence in your relationship, the first thing you should do is confront the issue head-on.
You must make it plain that you do not feel comfortable assisting them in executing the work when they are capable of doing it perfectly on their own.
This may be challenging, but the expectation is that they will reply with some level of comprehension. Accidents do happen every once in a while.
Partners in a codependent relationship frequently develop an unhealthy level of dependence on one another throughout the relationship.
Your spouse may believe they are unable to finish a task, and the reasons might be anything.
But it’s a good indicator if they’re willing to accept your limits and are interested in teaching themselves how to complete the activity on their own.
Sadly, this is not often the case in partnerships that are unhealthy for both parties.
If you encounter opposition, it may be beneficial to have a conversation with an objective third party about how the two of you are feeling.
What Are The Signs Your Partner Putting Work In You With Weaponized Incompetence?
Sign 1 – You Feel Like You’re In A Solo Flight
Take note if you don’t intend to ask your spouse for assistance in an emergency, such as when your car breaks down or when you have to prepare a birthday celebration for a member of your family.
Even when unanticipated events occur on a regular basis, it is natural to want and expect that your spouse will be there for you when you need them.
If you find yourself always having to handle things on your own, this is a clear indication that there is an imbalance of responsibility between the two of you.
Sign 2 – Daily Dose Of Frustration
Continuous scenarios of weaponized incompetence cause fatigue, mistrust, and anger.
Someone is claiming to not grasp how to do something in an attempt to get out of obligations, which for some might be considered equivalent to fraud and deception.
Their companion, meanwhile, is left feeling frustrated and powerless.
Sign 3 – You Felt Taken For Granted
Exaggerating one’s incapacity to perform anything sends the subliminal message that your spouse’s time and effort are far more precious than your own.
Without appreciation or proper gratitude for your work, your job as a spouse will change to include acting as both the maid and the sole supervisor of the house.
Sign 4 – You Feel Like A Puppet
Love and relationship are a two-way bridge. It is a give-and-take cycle to show that both partners support and treasure each other.
The distinction between this and fake incompetence is that the latter refers to conduct that is an aspect of a manipulative practice and is carried out to maintain an uneven and unequal hierarchy.
If you suspect that they are telling lies about their skills or attempting to control you, pay heed to these signs.
Remember that weaponized incompetence may sometimes occur unconsciously; nonetheless, this does not make it less exploitative.
Sign 5 – Your Relationship Doesn’t Progress Anymore
Only a partner’s preference for ease above duty might generate a stalemate when armed stupidity enters a partnership.
Being together ceases feeling like it’s leading somewhere after a time.
In your relationship, even though you’re actively working to better yourself, if they aren’t willing to make any changes or improvements to themselves, the two of you can’t grow.