Are You Constantly Fighting In Your Relationship?
Does it feel like no matter what you say or do, you are always in the wrong? Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells just to keep from a fight? Does it feel like you have to decide whether to fight or just not talk at all?
What Causes Constant Fighting In A Relationship?
There are many reasons a couple argues, most with several different reasons in one relationship.
- One partner is constantly dishonest
- You both want different things in the relationship
- You compromise your values too often
- There are control and jealousy issues
- How you spend money
- Your future goals do not line up
- When the relationship is not the priority
- One partner blames the other for everything
- When someone won’t keep their eyes from wandering
- One or both are not happy
- Your lifestyles are just too different
- When things are said just to be hurtful and mean
- You start fighting over small things
- Someone keeps threatening to end the relationship
- Constant fighting over the same things without resolution
How To Stop Fighting In A Relationship
After a while, you start getting tired of constantly fighting, or you feel like you have the same fight repeatedly with no change in sight.
There is also nothing wrong with hiring a family therapist, a licensed clinical social worker, or a marriage coach to help along the way.
Here are some things to try and halt the fighting before it gets worse.
Set Boundaries Before You Fight
Before a fight ever happens, try to sit down and talk about some boundaries. Are you more of a ‘cool off’ person or a ‘we need to talk now‘ type of person?
There are also just some basic boundaries that all couples should have.
If you or your partner feel like you have to hit, throw things, yell or attack a person’s character through name-calling and other things to get your point across, then it is time to readdress your relationship.
You should not have to make something unsafe in order for it to work. If you feel unsafe to yourself or others when you fight, having a family therapist to mediate is recommended.
Don’t Get Defensive
It’s understandable to get defensive when we are fighting. You may feel wronged or blamed for something you didn’t do.
Take a second to let them talk and try to see the situation objectively. More often than not, your partner is not trying to attack you but is voicing their side of the situation.
Did you maybe say something too harshly, or maybe you read the room wrong and said a joke at the wrong time.
Listening and asking questions is a great start to a healthy relationship where your partner feels heard and cared about.
Take Some Time To Cool Down
During a heated argument, our emotions can become irrational and foggy. We tend to say the meanest things we don’t mean at the very height of our emotions.
If you feel that your emotions are becoming too strong or the fighting is getting too fierce, it’s time to stop and take a breather. Take a walk or spend time alone for a bit. The problem will still be there when you get back, and now you can find a better solution with a renewed mind.
Argue Face To Face
We live in a digital world, and that means it’s now easier than ever to give us an easy out when it comes to conflicts.
But if you really want to understand and grow as a couple, you need to talk face to face. You can see a person’s body language and hear their tone of voice when you are face to face. This also keeps misunderstandings at a minimum and shows that you really care to find a solution.
Ask Why You Are In The Relationship
After your honeymoon phase is over, you can forget what you are even doing here. Think about what pulled you to this person in the first place, then what kept you there.
Remember why you started this relationship and why you fell in love with them. Realize your life is much better with them than without them.
If you are having a hard time, try with a marriage coach to guide you and see what you might be missing.
Take Care Of It ASAP
Couples who let the problem sit and fester are more likely to break up. Letting our feelings sit for too long can cause us to resent the relationship before it has time to even be fixed.
If you don’t talk about a problem as it arises, not only will it continue, but your partner will not know what hit them once you are willing to fix it. Lay all your feelings out on the table, so to speak, and work through it together.
There is also nothing wrong with hiring a family therapist, a licensed clinical social worker, or a marriage coach to help with relationships along the way.
When Do I Know I’m In A Healthy Relationship?
All relationships go through tough times, but constant fighting with your partner can be draining and lead to bitterness and resentment.
When you stop fighting, you enjoy your relationship, and the person you are with. When you feel heard, cared for, loved, and know that you are safe when you bring up something that at one point in time, would have caused a fight.
My Final Thoughts
As long as both of you are willing to grow and do better for each other, you know that you have made it to a healthy relationship.
Remember to love yourself and others around you.