A successful relationship relies heavily on communication, yet it may be more challenging than you think. Everyone communicates in unique ways. Understanding your partner’s love language can help your relationship to be healthier and happier.
The concept of love languages was presented by Gary Chapman, an author, pastor, and speaker, in his 1992 bestseller The 5 Love Languages.
According to him, individuals prefer to receive love in one of five ways: quality time, acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, or receiving gifts.
What Is The Meaning Of Love Language?
Do you have a good friend who says they’d rather have a clean kitchen than flowers? That is a basic illustration of different love languages. We all express and receive love in various ways, which might explain why feelings and good intentions often get lost in translation.
For example, you spend weeks looking for the most fantastic present for your lover, but on their birthday, they say, “I would’ve been happy just ordering in and cuddling up on the sofa together.”
It’s not always because they’re unappreciative or you made a mistake. They express their love differently— or have a different love language.
What Are The 5 Love Language Types?
Words Of Affirmation
Individuals with words of affirmation as a love language value prefer to express love through spoken words, praise, or admiration. They appreciate positive words, inspirational quotations, love notes from their romantic partners, and appreciative SMS messages.
People who prefer this love language may be too sensitive to criticism from their lover and may be badly impacted by hurtful statements. A partner of someone who enjoys words of affirmation may try complimenting their companion, expressing interest in what their partner is talking about, and react favorably to anything their partner has done.
Those whose primary language is physical touch experience the greatest love and appreciation via physical affection. This does not have to be sexual intimacy; it may also involve holding hands, embraces, arm and facial touches, and placing your arm around your lover when out in public or watching a movie.
Physical touch may indicate comfort to a sad partner and communicate pleasure or praise when a partner is celebrating. Those who love physical touch want to feel physically attached to their partner, and it may be critical for them to feel physically near to their partner daily.
It might be challenging to find time to spend out with bae one-on-one, without distractions, in today’s busy world. Still, undivided attention can be highly significant for someone whose love language is quality time.
If this is your significant other’s love language, make time for them. Turn off the TV, put phones away, and be together. If you flake on a date or check your phone while you’re together, it may not be very pleasant to a quality time person.
This love language may seem materialistic, but it does not need you to spend hundreds of dollars if this is your partner’s love language. Gift-giving is one of the important things to learn if your partner’s love language is receiving gifts. It is the idea and works behind the important gift, not the price.
A successful gift indicates that you are aware of and care about your lover. A person who enjoys receiving gifts appreciates nothing more than an unexpected sign of your appreciation; yet, forgetting a birthday or anniversary may be highly damaging to your relationship, as could an impersonal gift such as a gift card.
Acts Of Service
This love language is for those who believe actions speak louder than words. If someone’s primary love language is acts of service, they may want their partner to show them, love by helping them to do something. Acts of service are not about the big gestures but the little ones, like pouring them a cup of tea or coffee in the morning or running an errand for a busy friend or loved one.
These frequently take the form of the partner going above and above their usual share of tasks to ease their partner’s tension or stress. Doing pleasant and helpful things rather than merely talking about doing them might help a person express a deeper level of love to their partner.
What Is The Most Common Of The 5 Love Languages?
Quality time seems to be the most commonly used love language. Words of affirmation come in second place for women, with a tie for males between words of affirmation and physical touch. However, quality time is so prevalent that it is twice as popular as the second most popular language!
What Is The Hardest Love Language?
In my opinion, Words Of Affirmation are the most difficult love language to detect and respond to, depending on the person you’re dating.
What Do You Do When You And Your Partner Don’t Have The Same Love Language?
Having a different love language than your significant other is perfectly fine. If this is the case, make sure you are open about your particular preferences so that you both know what makes you feel more loved or neglected.
Knowing your partner’s love language can help you understand how they express their love so you can feel more appreciated, but, of course, you should also know your own love language.
If your lover is a physical touch person, learn about that love language and what your lover will need physically from you. This can also help you better understand your partner since if they are less touchy-feely one day, it might indicate that they are angry with you about something.
How Understanding Love Language Can Help Relationships
Promotes Empathy And Selflessness
People learn to concentrate on their partner’s needs rather than their own by employing and being devoted to knowing another’s a love language. Knowing a person’s love language may promote selflessness via time, effort, understanding, and emotional openness. This also teaches couples to look beyond themselves and consider what makes another person feel loved and important.
Seeing things from another person’s point of view will build empathy. People who can empathize with their partner are more likely to grasp another person’s love language and why their partners may differ from their own. Empathy for another individual will also boost emotional intelligence.
Learning more about your and your partner’s love languages might help you become more self-aware. People may become more mindful of how they communicate with their partners, know what they should and should not do, and make a concerted effort to enhance their relationship.
Helps With Personal Growth
Personal development may result from someone focusing on something or someone other than oneself. Focusing on another person’s love language may drive individuals to develop and change for the better, which can help their relationship.
The five love languages may also inspire individuals to love others in ways they would not have thought of before or outside of their comfort zone.
Creates More Meaningful Actions
When couples begin to learn and use each other’s love languages regularly, the things they do become more purposeful and meaningful. By concentrating on actions that are known to be more valuable to their mate, time is not being wasted on actions that are not as meaningful to their lover.
Investing time and effort in meaningful activities with a partner may help to strengthen relationships. Couples’ closeness, security, and happiness levels should grow as they learn more about one another.
Chapman used the concept of “emotional love tanks” to illustrate a couple’s relationship stages. According to him, low or empty love tanks may lead to romantic withdrawal or falling out of love, as well as harsh exchanges or improper behavior.
Couples with full love tanks and talk in one other’s love languages can deal with conflict and their differences. When lovers are unaware of their partner’s love languages or how to employ them, the love tank might empty over time. On the other hand, understanding and learning to employ each other’s love languages are essential for refilling the love tank and sustaining relationships.
Criticisms Of The Love Language Theory
Fast forward to now, over 30 years after the book was published. As popular as the theory is, many individuals have subsequently pointed out its flaws. Some individuals interpret the love languages idea as a type of personality test, even though Chapman’s whole argument is that we should adapt to our partner’s love language rather than demanding that they have a different one.
Indeed, a recent study has indicated that being on the same wavelength as each other’s love language does not guarantee a successful and happy relationship. Couples with the same love language were not happier than couples with different styles, implying that understanding the love language system and adapting it depending on what the partner needs at the time is more meaningful than relying entirely on a dominant love language type.
Everyone expresses love uniquely. While you shouldn’t consider it gospel, the love languages may be a good beginning point for better understanding each other. You may deepen your connections and ties with your partner by taking the time to understand each other’s love languages and then using them.