A Bloody Nose
Common sense has become uncommon. Customer service is an oxymoron. Culture has coarsened. These are all common complaints in modern times. The answers seem to range from complaining about it for the sake of complaining, considering it a lost cause, or putting a great big happy face on all of it. It’s hard to fix a problem if you think it can’t be fixed. It’s even harder when you don’t realize that YOU contribute to the problem. If you consider these things to be symptoms of a disease that has been largely unchecked, have you considered your role in combating it?
And in that, I don’t mean that you’ve neglected sense, service, or society. No, you’re probably in a whole different category, or you wouldn’t be taking the time to read an article of this nature, would you? Heck, you probably consider yourself part of the solution because you’re “nice.” You choose to see the best in people, and you’ve found a better way to live. And there’s nothing wrong with nice… unless it is just a façade for the fear of retaliation. I’m sure Neville Chamberlain was a nice guy, too.
Things out there have changed. I’m not sure if the lawyers started it, or they have just capitalized upon it. Say something that might offend, and you can get sued. Some supermodel, I heard, is using the law to force Google to give up the identity of an anonymous blogger who made unflattering comments so that person, too, can be brought into court. (Never mind decades of legal precedent that those in the “public eye” have almost no protection against libel or slander as compared to private citizens… if you take the steps to become famous, don’t expect not to be criticized.) It should be laughed out of court not just on lack of legal standing but also sheer absurdity. But it won’t be. “Nice” people will try to see her side of it. Depending on how “nice” people are, they may just throw some money at her because her pain in some way deserves it, in spite of what the law says. (Think that doesn’t happen? You’ve obviously never served as a juror in civil litigation. “I know what the law says… but the defendants have the money, and SURELY you agree this person deserves something for having to go through this!”) This appeasement form of “nice” causes people to tip servers 20%, even when we see them gabbing with coworkers as our food sits in the window assuming the temperature and texture of the dark side of the moon. We consider ourselves too “nice” to judge the circumstances of a slacker by simply deeming them a slacker.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t advocate throwing a fit or offering a disproportionate response over every perceived wrong. You have to pick your battles. It’s the number of people who seem to think you should never pick a battle that concerns me. I don’t believe everyone deserves the same credence or respect. Bullies don’t understand anything but a bloody nose, and sometimes, you might have to be the kid on the playground that gives them one. A number of people have told me that my methods don’t work, and worse, may backfire. The thing is, it works over, and over, and over. Trust me. I was a kid with glasses. I know that of which I speak!
You can’t go around losing your cool or become a bully yourself. But the “nice” way doesn’t always work. If you let others tell you what you “can’t” say, then the arguments will always be framed in their terms. If you give respect to the disrespectful, then you will always feel disrespected. If you give money to everyone who hasn’t earned it, then they each will only be a miniscule amount richer, and you will be wholly and entirely broke. Conflict is what makes the world go ‘round, and refusing to take part won’t change that, it’ll just make you the de facto loser.
Jared A. Chambers
