Stop the Whining!
Several years ago, I went to one of those Hurry Date speed-dating parties. In the space of 3 minutes, one girl managed to get to the fact that she had 14 cats and how she didn’t understand how she couldn’t keep a fella. If the 3-minute timeframe has any advantage, it should be that it keeps you from having to get into potential red-flag issues. No one wants to hear how no one “gets” you. It’s your one chance to show how easy it is to get to know you!
I think job candidates manage to fall into this same trap time and time again. If you’re met with some sort of rejection, it’s easy to tell yourself something that makes you feel better. That’s probably a healthy thing. It’s when that inner voice becomes audible to the world after a string of “bad luck” that may cause you problems. Here’s why: Everybody has some bad luck, and can point to a time that very unfair things happened to them. When you start the chorus of, “Life is so cruel,” you accomplish two things. One, you tell someone something they already know. Second, you create a de facto competition, outlining how your problems are worse than everyone else’s. You manage to be obvious and insulting in one fell swoop. The string of “bad luck” continues.
I’ve went to networking events that seemed a whole lot like that speed-dating party. “But my resume is perfect. I’m talented. The reason I’ve been out of work for 14 months is that no one understands the value I add.” Thank you. We now know that you’re not insightful enough to recognize you may need to change, and that you generally view everyone as stupid. Let me know how month 15 goes. “I’ve sent 150 of these out, and not a single person has called me back!” Hmmm, some level of introspection might have told you that YOU need to change something after you sent out 20 with no response. Somehow I think the next 150 will net you the same results.
More fun is helping upcoming college graduates with their resumes and job search. No matter how many books are published saying that a resume should fit on one page, and that any variation requires a really good reason (like a lifetime of experience), I am still presented with 4-page monstrosities. “But… people NEED to know this about me!” Sure. But you put it on page 3, and trust me, they stopped reading after page one, if they didn’t throw your ream of a resume into the trash already. Just the fact that you assumed, as a college graduate, that you’re special enough to have a multi-page document of accomplishments is a red flag. Worse yet, 5 books and my tutelage have told you the same thing, and I already know you’ll bring me back a 2-page revision.
Maybe number of pages on a resume and number of housecats share a directly proportional “turn-off” factor.
Here’s the deal. If you’ve never done something before, you’re at best barely qualified. If you’ve done something before, and it led to many months of unemployment, you may not have been as good at it as you thought. What people want to see in either instance is that you have the ability to learn and that you have the ability to own what you do, good and bad, and take responsibility. That means no complaining. No constant chatter of “unfairness.” No inflated descriptions you can’t back up. No refusal to take competent advice of experts. NO WHINING!
You may have had bad circumstances. Welcome to life. The only thing in which you’re ever guaranteed the ability to change for the better is YOU. You have the freedom to grow and enrich yourself. You can make new and better choices. You can own who you are and what you do. Even if life has been unkind, why be so stubborn as to concentrate on that which you cannot change? Make a commitment to change your own attitude, and you will start to see different results. Confidence and humility are not opposites. Learn how to incorporate both, and you’ll go far.
Jared A. Chambers
