Oh, I’m So Offended!
I’m offended!
When did one little word come to have so much impact, and why is it we spend countless hours and otherwise useful and productive energy ensuring no one says it about something we said or did. Why is it the one crime where intent cannot be measured as a factor, and only testimony of the “victim” is admissible? Seems like a waste of energy over something where no sense of fair play can ever be truly restored.
As for me, I can offend two people who absolutely hate each other’s guts by making only one statement. I probably offended half-a-dozen folks just by having the gall to wake up this morning. I’m not sure you can say or do much of anything that doesn’t offend somebody. This blog entry will probably offend someone. Should I just issue an apology now?
Look, I know some people go out of their way to push other people’s buttons. They use language and actions that make others feel rightfully hurt. But you have to be able to honestly assess if you yourself cannot also be accused of giving trespass upon another. And you also have to be able to say, “That was unfair, but I am not going to give you the power to offend me.” Because it takes two in an offense, doesn’t it? Doesn’t it imply that there is an offender, and an offendee? Maybe there will be less offense when we decline to be offended.
I’m a writer. I’m a speaker. Words are a big part of my life. I am not so foolish to think I can string as many words together as I do without someone taking something I said as being offensive. I interact with a lot of people. I can hardly believe I made all of them love me. I’m not Jesus, though certainly he had his detractors, as well! So I figured something out a long time ago. I won’t any longer accept blame for any unintentional, random sleight. As well, I will not take offense wherein I cannot discern a malicious attempt to offend me. That doesn’t mean I won’t argue a point if I disagree with something said or done. That doesn’t mean I don’t allow anyone the freedom to disagree with something I said or did. But it’s just not something I have the time or energy to deal with labeling or being labeled.
Here is the biggest problem with it. “I’m offended” has become code for, “No matter what you’ve said or done previously that may have been righteous or good, it no longer counts.” In other words, people who have claimed offense by me, or anyone else for that matter, usually seem to have pretty short memories for anything that might put the whole thing in context.
If you go out of your way to provoke and offend, you will pay the consequences for it in life. And you should. But if you constantly worry about whether you might offend somebody, you’re going to give up a lot of your freedom and ability to articulate an opinion on anything. Likewise, if you go around feeling constantly offended, you just gave up your own freedom to some degree.
No one is coerced or forced into reading anything I write, here or elsewhere. More importantly, if you’ve already expressed an opinion about me, right or wrong, don’t expect I won’t return the favor. If you are so “offended” that you refuse to speak to me, don’t spy around and try to find out what I might have said to another about it. You’re only wasting your own time.
The cycle of worrying about possibly offending or being quick to offend is a waste of time that gives my freedom and will and power over to another, and I don’t play with that. You might find what you can do is amazing when you transcend it and reclaim your own peace of mind and own it.
Jared A. Chambers
