Fight!
Winner or loser?
I think most people think of themselves as one or the other. Surely, some people refuse the label, which I guess that means you were never in the game. I’m not sure that isn’t a rank below loser.
Either way, you’ve most likely crafted a resume before, and what is that if not a scorecard of wins?
Face it, you want to win. And you love a winner. Everyone does. What’s wrong with it? Competition brings out amazing accomplishments. Just look at the recent feats of Michael Phelps or May-Treanor and Walsh. Winning isn’t only fun, but it takes us to a level we wouldn’t approach without challenge. It also inspires others. It’s a perfectly natural thing, divine and by design.
But wins require challenges and competition. In other words, you can’t win without being in the occasional fight. If you’re going to win, you better learn to fight.
In his book, “Think Big & Kick Ass,” Donald Trump talks about how every day is a fight. He also dedicates a whole chapter to the concept of revenge. I agree with a lot of what he has to say. I think a lot of people shy away from this thinking, because they don’t want to be perceived as abrasive. Certainly, Trump is an example of someone who often is. But he’s right that his success is in large part because he rose to immense challenges, often as the result of others who had competing interests and ideas to his own, and that he discourages attacks by meeting them head-on.
And if he seems a little over the top, it is, after all, disproportionate force that ends battles instead of merely prolonging them.
I don’t think that means you can’t win without everyone thinking you’re a jerk. Sometimes, the best way to win a fight is to remain calm when someone is trying to ruffle you. If you’re going to win, you’re going to have to take on the competition, whether a business competitor, a competing idea, or just a run of the mill jackass.
In my mind, there are a couple things at which you must become better than average to win consistently:
Document. When I studied technical writing, one of the recurring themes was that the purpose in writing wasn’t to be helpful any more than it was to be fully and completely read. The number one reason it existed was to cover the ass of the product manufacturer to reduce warranty and legal claims. It’s a cynical view, but legalese depends upon volumes of documentation as proof and evidence. If you want to win an argument yourself, it helps to have documentation. Write down agreements. Write down clarifications of disagreements. Send follow-up notes outlining major points of important conversations. Save letters and e-mails sent to you. Be careful of what you say in a written format. Also, become good at remembering, very close to verbatim, what people say and in what context.
Keep your cool when someone is trying to provoke you. It not only makes you appear rational in the face of a tantrum, it often throws your competitor off when their slings and arrows designed to rile you do not. This often has the effect of making them try harder to rile you, when they really start to lose it.
Be tough but fair. This isn’t opposed to keeping your cool. Toughness is not about screaming or name calling. It is about being direct. If you intend to enforce a consequence of some sort, say so and then be willing to do so. If you have a claim to support, make it directly and use your documentation to make it. If you feel you are being pushed, point it out directly and say it won’t dissuade you.
One of the most common tools I have used in fighting for myself is e-mail. It is a great tool because the documentation aspect is inherent. Also, many people will use it, perceiving it as informal, to provoke and be generally emotional, personal, and nasty. All this gives you a perfect opportunity to relate your point of view and respond in a way that is direct and firm, but also professional, in a format that contrasts your response to the words of your opponent.
Fighting for yourself is part of marketing yourself. Businesses use marketing not only for promotion, but also for deciding to whom they are promoting themselves, and separating themselves from negative issues. It’s the same on a personal level. I was a tall kid with glasses, which made me a target in school. But, when someone took it to the level to lay a hand on me, I really only had to have about one fight across a whole year, as others realized afterward that maybe I wasn’t such an easy target. In the adult world, hopefully you won’t ever have to knock someone’s block off, but you can expect people to target you to make their own ideas and personality stand out. It’s not fair, but it’s real. Stand up for yourself, and the less of a target you’ll be. But you also get what they tried to use you for… a comparative background for yourself that makes you appear in command. Not letting yourself be pushed around will earn you a lot more respect than trying to push people around, and it’s also the moral high-ground. Fight for yourself, and WIN.
Jared A. Chambers
